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Adult Children of Alcoholics, by Janet G. Woititz
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In the 1980's, Janet Woititz broke new ground in our understanding of what it is to be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. In this updated edition of her bestseller she re-examines the movement and its inclusion of Adult Children from various dysfunctional family backgrounds who share the same characteristics. After�decades of�working with ACoAs she shares the recovery hints that she has found to work. Read Adult Children of Alcoholics to see where the journey began and for ideas on where to go from here.
- Sales Rank: #4663 in Books
- Color: Multicolor
- Brand: HCI
- Published on: 1990-11-01
- Released on: 1990-11-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.40" h x .60" w x 5.40" l, .62 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 135 pages
- Recovery
About the Author
Janet Woititz was the author of Adult Children of Alcoholics, which was on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year. She wrote several other books, including Lifeskills for Adult Children; The Self-Sabotage Syndrome; The Struggle for Intimacy; Marriage on the Rocks; Healing Your Sexual Self and many others. Woititz was the director and founder of the Institute for Counseling and Training in West Caldwell, New Jersey.
Excerpt. � Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
from Chapter 5
Recovery Hints
It is important to be clear what recovery means for adult children. Alcoholism is a disease. People recovering from alcoholism are recovering from a disease. The medical model is accepted by all responsible folks working in alcoholism treatment.
Being the child of an alcoholic is not a disease. It is a fact of your history. Because of the nature of this illness and the family response to it, certain things occur that influence your self-feelings, attitudes and behaviors in ways that cause you pain and concern. The object of AcoA recovery is to overcome those aspects of your history that cause you difficulty today and to learn a better way.
To the degree that none of us have ideal childhoods and to the degree that even an ideal childhood may be a cause for some concern, we are all recovering to some extent or other, in some way or other. Because there are so many alcoholic families and because we have been fortunate in being able to study them, it is possible to describe in general terms what happens to children who grow up in that environment.
To the degree that other families have similar dynamics, individuals who have grown up in other �dysfunctional� systems identify with and recover in very much the same way.
Recovery Hints for Adult Children
All folks in AcoA recovery need to learn the Al-Anon principle of detachment regardless of whether or not they are recovering from addiction or are living with an addict. Until you do this, you can go no further. Detachment is the key. Because of the inconsistent nature of the nurture a child receives in an alcohol family system and the child�s hunger for nurture, many of you are still joined to your parents at the emotional hip. Even if you are no longer with them, you continue to seep their approval and are strongly influenced by their attitudes and behaviors. You will need to learn to separate yourself from them in a way that will not add to your stress. This is one of the primary goals of the Al-Anon program.
�What you learn about yourself as you are growing up because a part of who you are and how you feel about yourself. No one can change that but you. Your parents, even if they recover and treat you differently, cannot fix what makes you feel bad about yourself. You may start a new and healthy relationship with them in the present but no amount of amends on their part will fix the past. That is why dwelling on their part in your ongoing pain will not get you through it or past it. Your present difficulties are your problem. To put the focus outside yourself is to delay your recovery.
Emotions that have been held down for years and years will come to surface. That is why it is suggested that if you are recovering from an addiction, you need to focus on that first so that you will not be tempted to relieve those feelings in destructive ways. You will go through a number of powerful emotions in your recovery. It is part of the process.
Not everyone goes through the stages of the process in the same sequence, and many of you may block some of those feelings. There is no �right� way. I just tell you about the process because those feelings may surface without your conscious direction and frighten you. And they will resurface many times with each new discovery. The recovery process is different for different folks. Only you can determine the way that will work best for you.
Your immediate response to reading this book may be:
�1983, 1990 by Janet Woititz. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
and how I've chosen specific types of people who practice manipulation on me because I'm an easily identifiable peson who can be
By Amazon Customer
Opened up some things for me that I wasn't aware of and I am an adult child of an alcoholic; albeit I was raised in a broken home. I was surprised how even though Dad wasn't really in our home living with us that he really WAS THERE and so was his alcoholism. It affected all of us. I'm 57 and I'm just now learning how his addiction shaped our everyday lives even into adulthood. How I cope with stress, how I don't trust people straight away, how I second guess myself constantly and how confusion, fear, manipulation, and various forms of abuse keep entering my life and the lives of my other immediate family members, and how I've chosen specific types of people who practice manipulation on me because I'm an easily identifiable peson who can be controlled and moved about as if I'm a pawn on a chess board just by them watching and listening to me- I am a people pleaser and will let anyone walk all over me. I rarely have the courage to stand up for myself because I frankly I don't know how. I don't know how because I wasn't allowed to and have been given demeaning messages about myself, my charachter, my ideas... all of my life. I have no self esteem so they know I can be controlled by the way I act. So this book and a few others have helped me to say "No more" to these people. I'm able to recognize who my manipulators are better and to back away quietly and then I begin to easily control the relationship on my terms now. I've got a long way to go but this book really did help me.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Very good tool
By MG Hammock
This is a very insightful book and helped me see/understand my behavior(s) in life. It's one of those books you read, get an insight and have to put it down because it can be very raw dealing with the "why's" of how you react today given your environment during your childhood. But, you do heal which is the whole point of purchasing this book. Is it the "end all, be all" book? No, but it is a very good tool to help anyone raised by an alcoholic/someone who abused alcohol to understand, acknowledge then move forward and past this in life. It sounds so clich� to say "be gentle with yourself," but it is necessary. You can't help the situation you were placed in as you were growing up, but you can make a decision to not let it impact you today or in the future. Your parent's drinking was not anything you did, but something they chose to do that impacted your life - right or wrong - it just is and get on with enjoying the life you have now. I will say, to date, it's been the best tool I've found in my overall recovery, but I also believe I allowed myself to drop the bags of the past and start to live. I hope you do too. It wasn't you. It was "them."
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Here are the missing puzzle piecesw
By Rick Butts
I was warned this book can make many people feel stuck in childhood pain. And while the door to the past must be opened I felt the author presented so many useful tools for processing and healing the confusion of growing up in an alcoholic home there was no way to blame getting stuck on the book.
2 of the chapters really clarified why certain areas of my life have never worked well and why failed patterns were set in motion and more importantly how to change that in time. Great book!
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